You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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