The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
