Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
