He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize