mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
