It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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