My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
