Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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