I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
