i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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