She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize