I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
