You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
