If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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