The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Bring me that man meat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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