I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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