Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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