He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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