You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
