I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
