Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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