I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
