Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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