so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
