I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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