Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We have started to decorate penises.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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