I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
