Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I want a musical about memes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
