so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
