No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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