are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
