theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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