Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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