The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
