I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
