im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
