She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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