Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
