Im at strip club and am horny
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
