Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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