went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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