I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
