White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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