i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
