Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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