I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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