I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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