This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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