After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
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If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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