I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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