hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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