My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
