Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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