Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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