he thought i was a dude.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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