You can't special order awesome
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
