Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
