if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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