we're blogging at a bar
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
