Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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