having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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