It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
