Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
