I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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