i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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