Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
