I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
