I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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