he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
