She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
