Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
