Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
