her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
